


Feeling Itchy for You

by h0neybutterchips



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, YES THIS IS A LICE AU, buckytony month yeehaw, lice lice lice, please help me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:07:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21626278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h0neybutterchips/pseuds/h0neybutterchips
Summary: Tony is the King of all Lice, doomed to live in the Underground.Bucky?Well, he’s just a dude with a recent case of lice.
Relationships: Tony Stark/James Barnes
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Feeling Itchy for You

**Author's Note:**

> I’m gonna be real with u it’s almost midnight and I’m typing this on my phone no beta we die like lice once it’s out of the hair.
> 
> Happy buckytony month!

The Lice Kingdom was under attack by the Roaches. For the third time that week.

Tony grimaces, as he armors up quickly, making sure he had his Rider’s Lice well equipped and saddled, before climbing on top of the large bug. 

“This isn’t going to end well.” His fellow friend, Rhodey said, as he too began to ready himself for battle. 

Tony sighed. “This is the best we can manage. Our troops are dwindling and the Roaches seem to be getting stronger by the day... I fear that one day there may be no place for us in the Underground anymore, Rhodey.” 

As the lice they were mounted on began to scurry forward with the rest of its friends, the two made idle conversation, both apprehensive about the battle at hand. 

“You know, Tones...” Rhodey began to think, hand stroking his chin. “If there isn’t enough room for the both the Lice and the Roach kingdom in the Underground, we could always take part of the Surface World...”

*****  
 _2 weeks later..._

“Its not funny, alright?” Bucky snaps, as he began to scratch his head, rather violently, furrowing his brow. “And I’m not gonna cut my hair off just because some bugs don’t know how to mind their business!”

“That’s a shame, Buck.” Steve said, a shit-eating grin growing on his face. “I’d think you’d look pretty good bald. Get a trend rolling, or something.”

Sam looked at the both of them, a look of mild disgust plastered on his face, as he tried to picture Bucky bald. “I’m pretty sure he’d look like absolute shit, Steve. There’s no point in hiding it, man has himself fucked either way with his lice infestation.”

Bucky glared at the both of them as they erupted into laughter, before grabbing the lice shampoo once again for the third time within the past hour, attempting to try again. He drained the sink, once more, watching the Little Brown creatures flush away as well, before beginning to rub the shampoo deep into his roots.

*****  
Things were better, for a short period of time. The lice hadn’t come back, and it seemed as though they were gone for good.

And then three weeks after Bucky had been sure that they were gone, they came back.

Cursing as he made his way to the nearest department store, he noticed that there were a trail of the very same type of lice currently residing in his hair, all making their way towards the nearest sewer. He glanced around, wondering if anyone noticed.

To his surprise, no one did.

Bucky narrowed his eyes, as he watched the bugs continue to crawl into the sewer, a plan already forming in his mind.

*****  
“The search is going well, I take it?” Tony asked, as he tipped his chair back, twiddling his thumbs as Rhodey gave a reassuring nod.

“The scouts are reporting that although there may be over the counter remedies for our little soldiers, not all is lost.” Rhodey said, taking in Tony’s concerned glance before elaborating. “As in, some are adapting. To be stronger than these so called remedies.”

“That would make us less vulnerable than the roaches.” Tony caught on quickly, as a smile began to grow on his face. “The surface world can truly be ours, like millions of little islands where our citizens can do as they please.”

“It appears so.” Rhodey confirms, sharing Tony’s smile before he was called out by a guard, bowing politely to the King before exiting the room.

Moments later, he returned, his face thunderous, as he stood in front of Tony.

“What’s happened?” Tony asked, getting to his feet immediately, hand drawing closer to his sword. “Another attack?”

Rhodey cleared his throat. 

“It appears we have a trespasser. From the surface world.”


End file.
